tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70887402024-03-15T18:10:00.934-07:00writerzblogThis is a general blog for readers and writers.nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.comBlogger137125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-6445802644128351182024-01-08T19:01:00.000-08:002024-01-08T19:01:53.974-08:00Another Trump Rant<p> </p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">This quote came up on my Facebook feed today and set
me on a rant:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The smart way to keep
people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable
opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum. That gives people
the sense that there's free thinking going on, while all the time the presuppositions
of the system are being reinforced by the limits put on the range of the
debate. ~Noam Chomsky</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So, I thought, what would I see if I step away from
the minutiae? By minutiae I’m referring to some friggin big things, like women’s
healthcare, LGBTQ+ issues, Jan6, the upcoming election, all of it, all of the
things being pointed and counterpointed in the news every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Referencing the above quote, are all of these
things examples of ways the spectrum of acceptable opinion has been strictly
limited?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I’ve been embroiled in my nation’s politics since the
2020 election.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much is at stake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many moving parts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But are there?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would I see if I could beam myself up to
a satellite station and look down on all of this from a distance?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is there a pattern to this chaos?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I see that we have a mission to save democracy in the
United States of America.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hit me that
democracy will not be saved by a super hero in tights and a cape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Democracy will be saved by we the people
working together to bring light and shine it all of those dark corners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our theme song should be This Little Light of
Mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I get the sense that all of these weighty, important
issues at hand are distracting us from the real issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of these matters, every single one, stems
from Donald Trump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Throw in his puppetry
over the Republican Party in Congress, and it is evident that he has taken over
control of us all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s stirred so many
pots, and we’re all in those pots, spinning.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">If we’re, all of us, the collective hero, we’re really
only up against one man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of those
angry voices out there, they’re all really him shouting, disrespecting,
demeaning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trump made that normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He made it acceptable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He made millions of Americans extensions of
his bullhorn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, what needs to happen
is for that bullhorn to be taken away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
he were to be silenced, lots of people would snap out of it, until only a few
diehard fanatics would be occasionally seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The only way to silence him is to treat him like any
other criminal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could you imagine being
arrested for armed robbery, but being released by the court because you don’t
have time to go to jail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re up for a
promotion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Treat him like the criminal
that he is, and throw him in the pokey…without bail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what he deserves, and that’s what we
deserve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Treat him like any other
prisoner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fuck his secret service
detail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He lost his status as a free
American when he was charged. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Putting him in prison would castrate their strategy of
delay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How fast would they go from tortoise
to hare if he couldn’t campaign from prison?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then we’d have a trial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he
will be found guilty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he will go to
prison for the rest of his whiney little life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">And his goon squad…all of those who’ve been
manipulated and hypnotized by his seething hate…we will see, won’t we, what
they’re made of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that Jan6 was a
wake up call for his base.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until that
day, they never dreamed that there could be consequences for anything that they
did in Trump’s name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somewhere in their
deluded minds, they know that Trump calling the convicted insurrectionists
hostages changes nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
institution of our court system looms over them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trump can say anything he wants, and they can
cheer for it all, but now they will hit a wall if summoned to go to battle for
him ever again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So, instead, his cultists shrink into their lairs and
seek out Trump’s targets to threaten, demean, terrorize on his behalf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as they sneer with pride when they send
this hatefulness to another human being, they must certainly know on some level
that they’ve descended into complete cowardice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Take away his bullhorn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Throw him in the clink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Put him in a cell by himself so that he can’t
hurt anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re wasting time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The courts need to stop coddling this
grifting, self-aggrandizing, hateful, manipulative man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day he stays out of jail, he’s
winning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They say that there is no such
thing as bad publicity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of the news
is about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There isn’t a shred of
anything going on where we don’t have his stupid input.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether part of his base or not, left, right,
any label you want, the news is about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He’s in control, and it needs to stop.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style> <br /></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-24857613035415161652024-01-06T22:42:00.000-08:002024-01-06T22:43:36.805-08:00The Saboteur<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">In computer parlance, it’s called an infinite loop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An infinite loop goes like this:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> <br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">If blah is true</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Do blabbity blah</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Sleep 20</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Done <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">As long as the blah remains true, the program will repeat the
blabbity blah command every 20 seconds…forever, until you hit CTRL+C to
manually exit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">I have an infinite loop in my head, and it holds me in a paralytic twilight as it plays and plays and plays. My biggest challenge is to
find a way to hit CTRL+C.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The loop resides
in a deep groove inside my head, so finding the exit keys is difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">I retired this year, so the loop presents an array of conditions related to that adjustment:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will I be able to live on so little money?</span></li><li class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will I be able to keep my home?</span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will I have to avoid all social activity to save money?</span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will anyone want to buy my jewelry?</span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will my jewelry business ever supplement my income?</span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will my 401k run out?</span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will I become too isolated? </span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will I become sick?</span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Will I die soon?</span></li><li>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Blabbity blah blah blah…</span></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Retirement is a challenge in all kinds of ways I never anticipated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fear of the future has encased my life in a
putrid fog of self-doubt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, the
fog lifts, and a radiant blue sky buoys <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me up just enough to see outside of the
groove.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Extra light draws me and I am able to step out, or as John Muir
would say, step in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only outside of the
loop can I access my creative self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
jump on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I design and execute many pieces of
jewelry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read a ton of books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I attend to life’s business, clear away wreckage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually, I’ll get too close to the edge
and fall back into the groove, where the loop waits.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">The loop is a trickster, not intending good or bad, simply performing
it’s imperative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It never stops, even
when I am outside of the groove.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
never been able to find the CTRL+C.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
until I do, my job is to get out of earshot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Slip out the back, Jack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make a
new plan, Stan…</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 16pt;">Such is the rhythm of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The rhythm holds a stark reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I cannot immerse myself in any creative endeavor if any part of me is thinking
about how I will make money from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thinking along those lines is the surest way to make the creativity
fairy bid me a fond fuck you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I
want her to do, wish I could train her to do, is scream, “Stay away from that
groove, you fool!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And call me back into
her bosom.</span></p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-57723336435990882922023-12-24T10:56:00.000-08:002023-12-24T10:56:53.182-08:00Arthurian Legends - My Readings and Meanderings<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Today I finished reading Steven
King’s Finder’s Keepers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the
things I underlined in my Kindle was when Pete says that Rothstein’s work changed
his heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I immediately thought of the
book that had the biggest impact on me when I was a young reader, The Once and
Future King, by T H White.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The book didn’t
change my heart, rather, it articulated truths about my core being that opened
my heart and showed it to me.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The book made me laugh until
I was in pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it made me cry for
days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could say so many things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The Once and Future King, a
World War II anti-war novel, is a compilation of five books.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The Sword and the Stone</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The Ill Made Knight</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The Queen of Air and Darkness</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Candle in the Wind</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The Book of Merlyn</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The books were originally
published in the late 1940s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Book of
Merlyn wasn’t published until the late 1970s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When The Book of Merlyn came out, I couldn’t believe it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was MORE!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I’ve always thought that, if
I were to be given one wish, I would wish that I could flip a switch that would
allow me to read a book, see a movie, hear a piece of music for the first time
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve read many books more than
once, but I can never read them again for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what I want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to read a book for the first time the
second time I read it…and the third.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe that’s not such a good thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I could do that, I might only read one book, thus denying myself the
pleasure of so many wonderful storytellers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I digressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I squealed in the bookstore the day The Book
of Merlyn came out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, after reading
it, I had a sense that something was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Book of Merlyn tells the story of Merlyn changing Arthur into
animals so that he can learn the different ways creatures of the earth govern
their societies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But some of the stories
in the Book of Merlyn had already been told at the beginning, in The Sword and
the Stone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I discovered that parts of the work had been edited out because they were considered too controversial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when the greater work, The Once and
Future King, was published in a single volume, The Book of Merlyn was
removed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of the endearing animal
stories from The Book of Merlyn were placed in The Sword and The Stone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And parts of the Sword and the Stone were
removed, altogether.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I pieced this together in a T
H White meandering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the 1980s, when I
was a poor college student, I walked past a collector’s bookstore on my way to
the bus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, I went in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One day, I found a first edition of The Sword and the Stone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It still had the flawless original
jacket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I got tears in my eyes
and paid something like $12.00 for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know we’re supposed to put such treasures in glass-encased bookshelves, to be
admired but not touched beyond a mild dusting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But the book vibrated in my hands, begging to be read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The book is dogeared now, but it’s still my
treasure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cringe if you must. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">That’s where I discovered
Madame Mimm!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the snake story appears
in the original version, that same snake who has such an important role in the
final chapters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, once again, I had
discovered MORE!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Since then, I have found separate publications of each of the collected works, mostly in libraries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each one is worth a separate read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each was edited for compilation in The Once
and Future King.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">White creates characters who
spin their own stories, some so comical that I smile just thinking of them, some
hapless but never passive, and some profoundly dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He throws in little delightful bits, like
Arthur speaking with a boy named Tom of Warwick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t pick up on it when I read The Once
and Future King the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I
caught it in the musical version of Camelot, at the end, Richard Harris as
Arthur, speaking to Tom of Warwick, sending him home to tell the tale of
Camelot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where once it never rained ‘til
after sundown…sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sir Thomas Malory
was from Warwickshire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The stories of Arthur came
from all over, but the first writer that I know of to compile the stories of
Arthur was Sir Thomas Malory in the 1200s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Malory wrote parts of Le Morte d’Arthur from
prison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was while I was reading
Malory that a friend said to me, “If you like that, you have to read The Once
and Future King.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thoroughly enjoyed
Malory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I read a prose version of
it by Keith Baines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very readable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the battle scenes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re hysterically funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A knight can be gashed from groin to sternum, steaming
guts spilling to the ground, and he’ll pick them up, stuff them back into his
belly, wrap himself up and return to battle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Malory also included Tristram
stories, which are a hoot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> That guy was a total man-whore, who used the excuse, sorry, honey, I thought she was you. </span>My favorite Tristram story
is the one when he rescues one of the Elaines, I can’t remember which one,
and Tristram wouldn’t know either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Elaine is being publicly boiled in a cauldron of oil for some
transgression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tristram pulls her naked,
pink body from the boiling cauldron, saving her life and causing her to fall
madly in love with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I say
madly, I mean it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lady turns out to
be quite coocoo in later stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But,
after the oil incident, she was reportedly pink for days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Most college students have
been assigned the story of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve found so many stories like that in
second hand bookstores, and they’re like little pieces of candy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Next that I know of is
Tennison’s epic poem, Mort d’Arthur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tennison’s work best told the story of The Lady of Shalot, which has
been rendered beautifully in music and painting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a poster of the Waterhouse painting in
my dining area.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">White came along in the 1940s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Steinbeck wrote a compilation of some of the Arthurian
stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mark Twain wrote humorous story
of a time traveler, who goes back to Arthur’s time, A Connecticut Yankee in
King Arthur’s Court.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I can’t think of any other prominent
works about Arthur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are just the things
I’ve read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose I could go back to
before Malory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The further back I go,
the closer I will get to writings made when the nitty gritty of the stories can
be laid bare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The stories depict a time in
England when Roman Christians were in the process of stamping out paganism and
replacing it with Christianity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
world is populated by witches, who are evil, whose ways must be vilified and annihilated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The greatest quest of the round table is to
find the holy grail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knights gain
strength from their purity, each sin diminishes them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only Galahad, who is without sin, is able to see the grail. If I go back to before Malory, will I find
writings made when people believed these things?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When pagan England was under siege of Roman ideology? When rituals focusing on the lyrical processes of Nature were going underground, to be replaced by a system whose god had martyred his own son. In place of herbal remedies and midwives, stone edifices were erected to house stories with a focus on white men, their deeds, their battles, their destruction. To find stories written during those times would be a prize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-41272624098887313022023-11-24T12:28:00.000-08:002023-11-24T12:28:33.573-08:00Retirement<p>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Retirement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How old was I when I started to think about
it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many years into my career?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Early on, I had great imaginings about what
it would be like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll travel the
world!” I thought, unraveling a mental montage. Standing in front of St. Mark’s
in Venice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Strolling a dusty open market
in India.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Playing on the beaches of
Cambodia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Revisiting The Tate, MOMA,
Palazzo Borgese.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walking the Camino de
Santiago…at least part of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I’d get in shape, take myself
out into the woods for local hikes at least once a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d walk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Join a gym with a pool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, I’d
be so busy taking care of myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each
day a new adventure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">But the moon has two
sides.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dark side of the moon returned
echoes from an endless cavern.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will I
have enough?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will I be able to keep my
house?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will I be healthy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will I be alone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will I die within a year or so like my dad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve always thought that the health problem
that took him was a symptom of a man who was just so tired of it all. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would I be like that when I retire?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tired of it all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Those were good
questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there are others I’ve
identified now that I’m about 9 months into retirement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, I had not anticipated what an
emotional roller coaster it would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The corner turned away from having a generous paycheck
and benefit package to relying on Social Security and Medicare.</span></li><li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">About a year before I retired, I started learning to
make jewelry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beaded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Silver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Copper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began taking classes in
silver smithing and transformed my carriage house into an art studio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></li><li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I opened an official business for my jewelry.</span></li><li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Worried about what to do with my 401k.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">With the 401k, I went from: </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Never touch it unless it’s an
emergency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New water heater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A medical expense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Emergency
dental treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leave it for that
purpose alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t touch it unless you
have to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">To: </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">If I pay myself X a month,
the 401k funds will last for X years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That will give me just enough breathing room to cover my expenses, if I’m
careful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, surely, my business will
begin to kick in a little.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">It’s taken nine months, but I’m
finally quasi-comfortable with the financial side of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to be okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have adequately provided for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just can’t live like I was when I was
bringing in a couple of paychecks every month, each having been more than my
one monthly Social Security allotment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Dealing with Social Security and
Medicare intimidates me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are both,
at once, extremely efficient and inefficient at the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they do something wrong, it takes hours
of maneuvering around the </span><span class="hgkelc"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">bureaucracy to speak to someone who can address the
problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their rules seem random and
incomprehensible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The details are boring and
typical big bureaucracy balderdash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
I realize now that I haven’t dealt with this kind of bureaucracy since I was in
college.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe that’s another thing
college taught me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How to go with the
flow of a nasty, rule-ridden, system. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">My
memories of the University bureaucracy are of a place where each person behind a
desk only holds his one piece of the puzzle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No one within the bureaucracy can see the whole machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, rather than turning its gears, the
student is the one spinning, spinning, gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It takes fortitude, courage and a little bit of being the one who goes
where angels fear to tread.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Thank god that isn’t the
whole of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Making jewelry has become a
passion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do bead work inside the house
and silver and copper work out in the shop… or the Nan Cave, as I like to think
of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I’ve settled into my aloneness to a place where I am never
lonely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I enjoy my solitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I frequently go into a creative zone, where I
have so many things to turn to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just sitting and reading
a book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working on a challenging bead
project.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Going out to the shop and
losing myself in the tools and materials I’ve put together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I come out of the zone to realize
that it’s after 9PM, darkness dropped on top of me, and I’m famished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I enjoy long, hot bubble baths and time with
my kitties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love cooking myself
interesting meals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m never bored and
am surprised to find that I am usually quite happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">A few months ago, I started selling
stuff on eBay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I buy stuff from garage
sales and thrift stores.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then resell
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still getting the hang of
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I buy figurines, vases, trinket
dishes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look for things that make me
wonder why someone left this object behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve found some wonderful stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I haven’t made much money yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
sold a few items, and it always surprises me to see what sells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I have a lot to learn about how the world
of online retail can serve me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the
meantime, it’s great fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve become a
prowler of thrift stores.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a pile
of stuff acquired but not yet sold, and I refuse to believe that I may be
becoming a hoarder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will NOT become a
hoarder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>NOT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I enjoy some of these things for a
while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I let them go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So, I have a couple of
activities that fulfill two purposes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These activities are designed to be fun and to bring in a
little bit of money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, between these
two activities, jewelry making and eBay haunting, I am quite busy.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">My social life has gotten a
little busier, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m such a
recluse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I resist anything that gets me
around people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I recognize that I
must get out of here a few times a week to be around other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I go to one of my two favorite restaurants,
places where everyone knows me, where I don’t need to see the menu.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when there is little conversation, I feel
comforted being in these familiar public places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I’ve also done a couple of
craft fairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those have been really fun and get
me out and around lots of people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Craft
fairs are so good for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Immediately after I retired,
I went to that familiar panicky survival mode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How does one not work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the
past, I’ve had a lot of lean times when I was between jobs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finding a new job was a horror show of
putting myself out there, investigating what came back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Singing back to middle-managers my enthusiasm
for being part of a team, solving problems, elevating the structure, when
inside feeling like garbage, feeling hopeless, being so full of fear that nothing
would come along until it was too late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I retired, that’s where I went and stayed for about 2 months. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Then it slowly dawned on me
that this was not the same situation I’d been in many times before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No. Retirement was something entirely
different, and the plunge into survival mode fear and despair was not warranted
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I wasn’t careful, I might
start having thoughts about being tired of it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I backed myself out of that groove and
started off in a new direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m
so glad I did, because this road is beautiful and full of surprises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
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{margin-bottom:0in;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-87506751717441678262023-09-19T10:13:00.009-07:002023-09-19T14:20:35.086-07:00This Party is for You<p>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I attended a seminar last
weekend in my small town of Monroe, Washington, which had the purpose of
finding ways to make our community more inclusive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s mighty white here in Monroe…but not
really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have a large Hispanic population
and a small black population, a smattering of Muslims, a growing group from
India and an occasional Asian.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But our
community events do not include people who aren’t white.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not intentional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But all of the events are planned by white
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, music in the park centers
around bands that appeal to old white men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No one’s going to suggest that we have a dance in the park that plays
nothing but songs from James Baldwin’s Spotify list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Now, I know that there is
racism in this town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Politically, we’re
divided, like everywhere else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like
everywhere else, the hate faction that has sprung from right-wing politics goes
about carrying a bullhorn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that
racism exists, that my brothers and sisters who are not white face dangers and
challenges that I can only try to imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know that I go about my life from a place of privilege, without even
seeing how privilege manifests itself in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not blissful in my ignorance, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to know, to understand what’s actually
happening.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So, this seminar focused on
how to build a more inclusive community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then, one of the facilitators said something that hit me between the
eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said that the two black women
in our community who normally would have co-facilitated this event were not
there because they are too afraid to come to the YMCA building.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This seminar, by definition, should have been
safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The YMCA should be a safe
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet they were too afraid to come
and be with us.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I commented on this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said that I wanted a better understanding
of what these women were dealing with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why would they feel unsafe in a room full of women (and one man) who had
gathered with the express purpose of fostering inclusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The white facilitator told me that she would
be happy to take me aside, maybe for coffee, and explain it to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, she said that by even talking with them,
I would further victimize them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By
talking to them, I would become a perpetrator of their oppression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I don’t know what to do with
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If my community is that toxic, and
I’m not saying it isn’t, what the hell good would it do to have an Hispanic band
at a community gathering?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If attending a
meeting with the purpose of discussing inclusion is not safe, if entering the
YMCA, which publishes its core values as caring, respect, honesty,
responsibility, and inclusiveness, is not safe, then why would anyone think
that encouraging more ethnic vendors to set up in our farmer’s market is a
solution?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I’ve heard many time that it
is not any black person’s job to explain it to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed, the facilitator pointed out to me my
ignorance in this regard, that by even speaking to these women who felt too
traumatized to attend this meeting, I would further their battering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I don’t know…maybe I am
incredibly ignorant, but I think that, before throwing a party for people who
don’t trust me, it might be a good idea for us to sit together and get to know
one another better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It might be a good
idea to ask our non-white neighbors what they would like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like we’re changing the menu to appeal
to people who would never come to our restaurant, for people whose refined
palates we haven’t bothered to become familiar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s all well intentioned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But,
as white people, is it our place to decide what would make them feel more
included?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If getting to know them better
is considered abuse, then I’m at a loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s where I get stuck.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So, I turn to the teachers who
have spoken out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, I
turn to books, movies and art.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I don’t
understand how I can help effect change if I have to cross the street to avoid
sharing the sidewalk with someone who finds me a threat because of my color. </span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I came across this clip
of James Baldwin this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> <br /></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><a href="https://fb.watch/n9Aa1KhlZK/">https://fb.watch/n9Aa1KhlZK/</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> <br /></span></p>
<p><style>@font-face
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-39091140842981734852023-08-31T15:38:00.000-07:002023-08-31T15:38:16.175-07:00Russia Russia Russia<p> </p><p>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">During her talk on Tuesday, Heather Cox-Richardson
posed the question: why are these people going through such gyrations to
support an ex-president?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also wonder
this…it can’t be just because they don’t want to lose Trump’s base.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That base just isn’t big enough, IMO, to
warrant the amount of energy they are putting into keeping themselves tethered
to poor Mr. Trump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if they all just said screw it…screw him?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if they all openly
proclaimed that Trump is not their horse anymore?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if they all stopped tearing down and
began working to build us up?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s
stopping them?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Heather said that she feels like she's missing something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, me
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the risk of sounding like a
left-wing conspiracy theorist or just a batty old woman, I keep turning to
Russia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I am convinced that Russian interference
put Trump in the White House in 2016.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
just can’t believe that so many Americans were manipulated into voting for him to
give him such a sweeping victory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
believe that his win was legitimate would mean that I would have to realize
that this is NOT my country, that the majority of the people here are some
combination of stupid, hateful and violent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Then in 2019, Mitch McConnell
was nicknamed Moscow Mitch when he blocked two House-approved measures to
protect elections, despite warnings that Russia intended to meddle in the 2020
race.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was also about the time when
the clown car of MAGA goons started really pumping up the volume.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The actions of Congress
members in this group are so anti-American and so autocratic-leaning I can’t
come to any other conclusion than to believe that Russia has infiltrated at
least 2 branches of our federal government.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">When Trump was just entering
the stage, Putin must have been ecstatic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What a perfect stooge to further his efforts to topple us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All Putin had to do to control the guy was to
flatter him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, Russia lost control of
the Executive Branch in 2020, but, with the help of our Congress and a few
Supreme Court Justices, it could continue to hammer away at us until we
break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Well, we’re not going to
break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pundits keep talking as though
Trump could actually win in 2024.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
cannot allow myself to believe that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We simply
cannot allow it.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-87784641921514160322023-08-25T10:20:00.011-07:002023-08-25T11:36:03.548-07:00What I'd Like to Think<p>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He looks at the camera with contempt and arrogance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pundits are saying he spent hours rehearsing
for that photo for his mug shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
wanted to get the image just right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
image needed to be perfect to be transformed into an effective tool for fund
raising.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, they’re saying that the
picture was calculated, formed with practiced nuance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’d only get one shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had to get it right.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Contempt and arrogance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rehearsed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can see his base
using that image to elevate him, to demonstrate proof that he is a super
hero.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I see something
different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think it was
rehearsed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not saying that he didn’t
rehearse how he wanted to look in his mug shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I completely believe that he did this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But this photo was not what was rehearsed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this photo, I see a man without a
mask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what is underneath the jaunty,
self-aggrandizing, smug banter that we usually see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is the menace behind the mask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His contempt for all is palpable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Meadows and Giuliani also have the same expression on their
faces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>White male privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rage that anyone could dare to treat them
with anything but delicate deference because of who they are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Contempt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Arrogance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Here’s what I like to think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I like to think that the Fulton County processing procedures really were
performed for these puffed up sleaze bags the same as for everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No nonsense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They were given orders, and it was made clear that, if they did not
immediately comply, harsher measures would be used.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine being treated that way when you see
yourself as being so important that you are above such treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I imagine these men, having been among
the most powerful people in the world, now standing under florescent lights,
being told what to do by a civil servant, being stripped of their freedom in
the same procedure rooms where countless criminals of all kinds had been
processed in the same manner, it takes my breath away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those mug shots were not rehearsed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time they came before the camera, their rage had burned away their carefully maintained masks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their privilege had been cast aside by these
lowly civil servants, and what had been carefully stoked and hidden on the inside flared out, allowing us
all to see that they are nothing more than malignant scabs, clinging to the still
living tissue of our democracy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These
men still attempt to spread their malignancy and devour that living tissue
until they transform it into something dead and lifeless.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And that’s a cause for hope because our democracy still
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These roiling spit balls are not
going to win.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They may be seething with
contempt and arrogance as they glare at the camera, but they are arrested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their freedom has been taken away, and they
are now under the control of the State of Georgia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What a satisfying feeling.</p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-24554729052758822582023-08-02T19:35:00.000-07:002023-08-02T19:35:24.276-07:00Getting Away, Getting To ItI didn't do it last year, because I was in a fit of writer's angst, but I usually go away for a few days in February or March for a private writer's retreat. A three-day weekend approaches (Thanks George and Abe), and I am heading out to Orcas Island to the Kangaroo Bed and Breakfast.<br />
<br />
If the weather permits, there will be hiking. There will definitely be driving around, visiting the sheep lady, exploring art galleries and bookstores. And there will be writing. <br />
<br />
I'm a little scared. I haven't had a fiction project in over a year. I have the finished but unpublishable YA novel, the fifty-pages into it second YA novel, some short stories that have never gotten past their premie births and a few ideas to body forth. In spite of the angst, I was executing a plan by not writing for all these months. I wanted to get all the crackling out of my head and get back to a place where I can hear my own voice. All of the writer's groups, retreats, conferences, workshops had seeped into my inner ear and perched there, waiting, just waiting, for the instant I put fingers to keyboard. When the idea of writing entered my head, they would pummel me with a cacophony of loosely-aimed opinions. My fingers would hover, maybe type a few sentences and then still. <br />
<br />
Time, I thought. I need time for the noise to fade away. <br />
<br />
I'm not sure that they are completely silent, but it's time for me to try writing again, hence the private retreat. <br />
<br />
Orcas Island in the off season is a paradise for anyone wanting to spend quiet days in a beautiful setting. The island is virtually deserted, except for the locals, and is loaded with places, alternately, to sit and focus or to be distracted. This will be the third private retreat I've given myself on Orcas. The first year I stayed at the Anchorage Inn. The room was huge, elegant, full of comforts. A huge four-poster bed with down comforters, a wicker rocking chair with soft woolen blankets, a gas fireplace, floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the water, an efficiency stocked with yogurt, juices, home-made granola and fresh baked coffee cake, a hot tub by the water and no other guests besides me made for a great four-day weekend. I think I wrote four chapters of Giving It Over on that trip. Two years later, I stayed at the Otter Pond B&B. Since I was the only guest, the proprietors gave me an upgrade. I really enjoyed the B&B, but the writer in me was distracted. I couldn't settle into the zone. The static of all the support I was getting as a writer kept pulling my fingers off the keyboard.<br />
<br />
In between trips to Orcas, I've gone to other of the San Juans and once to The Resort at Mount Hood. Mt. Hood was a great destination. The Resort was so newly remodeled that it sparkled. I went snow shoeing and ate brunch at a buffet so enormous and colorful it looked like a rose-parade float. I also sat and wrote in front of the six-foot fireplace in the lobby and enjoyed long bubble baths in a deep tub. The writing was somehow not satisfying. <br />
<br />
So, the first retreat was the best. I belonged to a small, intimate online writer's group with a handful of people I trusted and respected. Those people stayed with me all the way through the writing of my first novel. I miss them and often wish we could all go back to those days. My self-confidence dwindled over the years. Everything I did to find my way served to obscure the road signs.<br />
<br />
Now, more than year away from all writing-related activities, I'm about to see what I can do. I feel like anything could happen. I hope to find that I've returned to days when writing is dangerous, where the edge of the jungle comes all the way down to the shore and eagles are ready to tip their wings and catch an upward current.nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-87828174389182022412023-07-26T11:19:00.000-07:002023-07-26T11:19:59.894-07:00Barbie and Other Friends<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">The first doll I remember loving was Raggedy BoomBoom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Raggedy BoomBoom was not the traditional
Raggedy Ann.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was a stuffed rabbit,
with a cloth body bearing arms and legs like a human and long, cloth rabbit ears
that stood up and a plastic, smiling rabbit face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Raggedy Ann was the first doll I ever asked
for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how I knew about her…probably
from cartoon-time commercials.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I
asked for one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My dad bought this stuffed rabbit and, handing it to me, said, “Here’s Raggedy
Ann."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom later told me that he saw
the Raggedy Ann doll in the store, but that it was so ugly, he couldn’t bring
himself to buy one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hence, Raggedy BoomBoom
became my closest companion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She went
with me everywhere, slept with me, told me stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She could fly, loved to dance, hated Brussel’s
Sprouts, kept me company in the back seat on road trips, and knew the best way
to climb trees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Raggedy BoomBoom was so
loved that my mother re-covered her in new material three times over the years to give her a
fresh, sassy demeanor.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then came Chatty Cathy, not as beloved as Raggedy BoomBoom,
but interesting because she had a cord that, when pulled, caused her to say one
of maybe six different phrases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her
voice box quickly broke, consigning her to a life of muteness in the bottom of
the toy box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sometime in the mid ‘60s, I was given a Barbie doll.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She came wearing a zebra-striped bathing suit
and had a blond bubble hair-do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She also
had breasts, an hour-glass figure and feet permanently shaped to wear high
heels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Barbie was a huge departure from
the baby dolls of the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, instead
of dolls urging me to pretend I was a mother, I had a doll urging me to play
out grown-up roles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The switch here was
huge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, I still had Raggedy
BoomBoom. I never saw myself as Raggedy BoomBoom’s mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was more of a peer…someone I looked up to
and admired, someone who knew all the secrets I could never utter to anyone
else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Barbie became a conduit for acting out the way I viewed
adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back, I can see now that
Barbie was cruel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had a malignant
rage that she could point at anyone who crossed her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She spent all of her energy trying to catch
people doing something wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She loved
to direct this rage at children, who were always doing something wrong,
something that needed shaming and correcting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I hadn’t thought about this until now, and it says some startling things
about my world view as a child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw
adults this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother, one of my
uncles, the biddies at church inclined me into a mind-set that was always
trying and failing to be good.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My mother found some Simplicity patterns for Barbie clothes
and made all kinds of dresses from scraps of cloth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had the best dressed Barbie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have these dresses, all in 1950s
style, fitted at the top, skirt flaring out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had satin ball gowns with carefully stitched beading, a wedding dress,
even a crochet night gown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was
before Mattel started marketing clothing lines for Barbie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always thought that the things my mother
made were way better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Barbie had her own house and car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To me, Ken was always her boyfriend, never
her husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the TV shows at the
time was That Girl, played by Marlo Thomas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That Girl was the first show of a woman, living in her own apartment in
New York, building a career, dating a boyfriend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More than anyone else on TV, I wanted to be
That Girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was an aspiring fashion
model…an appropriate career for a woman at that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I, along with all of my girlfriends knew
what we wanted to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all wanted to
be airline stewardesses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The idea of
flying all over the world for work was so romantic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that time, you had to be extremely groomed
and polished, beautiful as a fashion model.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To be an airline stewardess was to be part of a very exclusive group of
women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your every effort needed to be
geared toward being attractive to men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Someone like Barbie.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Eventually, I had a stack of Mattel dolls…Barbie, Ken,
Skipper, Midge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Skipper was pre-adolescent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had waist-long blond hair with bangs, a
flat chest and legs that could bend at the knee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wasn’t supposed to be Barbie’s child…just
a sort of add on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was ten, Skipper
was my favorite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember getting into
trouble for taking her to school with me in the fifth grade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then Midge came along, a less attractive side-kick
of Skipper’s with freckles, brown hair and eyes and pig tails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe Mattel decided to do something for the
less attractive girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe she was
supposed to be a tomboy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can’t all be
blond princesses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t remember how
she was marketed, but she joined my Barbie family.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They all lived in the Barbie dream house, made of
cardboard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had a kitchen, living room
and bedroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Barbie never needed the
toilet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The house came with cardboard
furniture, which I could arrange in different ways and also came with a car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought the dream house was so cool, and I
kept it like a museum piece, not wanting it to get worn or broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would bring out the dream house only when
friends and company came over with their dolls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My dad eventually gave the dream house to my cousin Gail because he
never saw me playing with it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dad gave a lot of my toys, which I realize now were never
really mine, to my cousin, Gail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
bicycle, my desk…things would disappear and show up at my cousin’s house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cited lack of gratitude as the reason for doing
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never did figure out how to show
sufficient gratitude to prevent things from vanishing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I recognize what a power trip it all
was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dad giveth and the dad taketh
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I managed to hang on to my Barbie
dolls (I refer to the whole bunch as Barbie dolls).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At my Aunt Janet’s urging, after my mother
died, the Barbie dolls and clothes were one of the few things I stole from my
mother’s house, along with a few family photos, my mother’s Bible and her cook
book.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Through all the decades and all the loss, I wish I knew what
happened to Raggedy BoomBoom.</p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-86262369400747990392023-07-18T11:35:00.000-07:002023-07-18T11:35:31.830-07:00Privacy and Mythology<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">I recently listened to an interview with Ed Snowden, who
hadn’t fallen under my radar before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think the interview was an old one because it appeared to take place when Trump
was running in the 2016 election.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Makes
sense, because Snowden entered the limelight in 2013.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The picture Snowden paints is grim,
indeed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to him, everything we
do, all of the meta data generated by any and all of our electronic devices is
captured and saved forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, we have
no privacy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have no security.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have no control over how information
regarding our activities is used or who can see it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s all out there, according to Snowden, and
agencies like the NSA don’t need a reason to pull any one of us onto their
screen and review where we’ve been going, to whom we’ve been speaking, what we’ve
been buying, what web sites we visit, where our social media sweet spots
reside.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Naturally, I find this very disturbing, as anyone
would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, in my case, these
contentions raise lots of questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
see, I just retired from a career as a Systems Administrator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My title was Systems Engineer, but I wasn’t
an Engineer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t create the
software and had a very small role in designing the systems I maintained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I administered a virtual environment that supported
about a dozen applications at a major wireless carrier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One such application was LIMD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The LI stands for Lawful Intercept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The software is used by the carrier to work with
law enforcement agencies, when they need to surveil a subject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such activity requires a refined subject
matter expert, and the carrier had one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A single guy was in charge of the systems set up to grant access to an
individual’s cell phone activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
was not used to obtain phone records, but to perform live, real-time surveillance
of an individual’s activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The law
enforcement agency had to jump through numerous hoops before it could obtain this
access.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly, it needed a warrant,
granted by<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a duly authorized federal
judge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The subject matter expert of this system as a quintessential
computer geek.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knew his systems,
inside and out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His system consisted of a
single two-server cluster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My end of it
was outside of his realm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I administered
LIMD, which interfaced with the SME’s environment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in charge of installing the LIMD
software into my virtual environment, performing upgrades, tweaking things at
the vendor’s advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The software was a
logistical nightmare because it was provided by a 3<sup>rd</sup> party vendor
of the carrier’s 3<sup>rd</sup> party vendor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, for me to get support, I had to go to the carrier’s vendor, and they
didn’t know nuttin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t allowed to
go to their vendor, the company that manufactures the software.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, supporting it was like traveling through
a mousetrap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When something didn’t work
in the carrier’s environment the same way it did in the vendor’s lab, I was met
with incredulity and skepticism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
nothing new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is how things work all
over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But between the vendor spaghetti
tangle and the carrier’s own network and system problems, we had to find ways
around this mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One example…the software didn’t work in the carrier’s side
because one of the servers in that two-node cluster I mentioned earlier was an
ancient Sun Solaris box that was so old, it couldn’t support IPv6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, the application couldn’t be configured to
work within his cluster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The SME had to
disable his cluster and route all of the traffic to a single node in order to
get the thing to talk to the LIMD software.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It took the guy 9 months to get the carrier to provide him with a second
server that could support IPv6 so that he could restore the cluster and ensure
redundancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dozens of things like this
went on, each, in its own way, taking this highly sensitive system further and
further away from being secure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The time that I spent, personally, trying to get this thing
to work was astounding, starting with the documentation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The carrier’s 3<sup>rd</sup> party vendor’s 3<sup>rd</sup>
party vendor provided a document with every step and requirement for
installation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The carrier’s 3<sup>rd</sup>
party vendor would, then, translate the document into Korean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, in order to deliver the documentation
to me, would translate it from Korean back into English.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was more questionable than the accuracy of
the King James Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing about this
thing was easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am writing all of this to refresh my own memory, even as I
struggle to banish it from my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
retired a few months ago, and everything is fading fast, now that Linux, VMWare,
Docker, Ansible and hundreds of other things are not part of my daily
focus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was the queen of finding a way
through with things that had layers of blockage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But LIMD was my nemesis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Technical issues, network configuration
nuances, arrogant men, language barriers, clueless project managers and an administration
profile that incorporated a dozen diverse teams, each with its own interest or
lack thereof, all contributed to the administration of the LIMD
application.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were able to get it
working in the lab for short periods of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Each time we got it to chug along, the vender’s vendor would submit an
upgrade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The upgrade in the works when I
retired didn’t even resemble it’s prior incarnation, and the carrier finally
surrendered to the reality that LIMD was never going to be delivered to
Production.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time I left, no one in
the carrier’s organization expected me to get it working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went on to other things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, whenever the vendor announced some activity
related to LIMD, the response from the carrier was: Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, all of this brings me back to Snowden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is LIMD a farce?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would it be needed if anyone in the
government or even within a given company can access all of our
activities?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all know that there is no
deleting anything from the internet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Once it’s out there, it stays out there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There’s always another hundred copies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Things get cached and routed and recycled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Snowden implies that there is some mother
of a database out there with all of our activities preserved…forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He mentioned Google Chrome as an example of
something that saves every search, every click forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He talked about outsiders having the ability
to access our cameras and microphones on our computers and phones without us
being aware.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just don’t see how these
things are possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The carrier I
worked for saved all SMS messages for 7 years, specifically to fulfill some
government mandate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s all of the
texts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s impossible to begin to
image how much data that is.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Undoubtedly, some could read this and think me extremely naïve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But mine is a slightly informed naivety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have questions, and I am capable of
understanding the answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Snowden
presents as an intensely brilliant mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His responses in the interview always answered the questions directly,
without clouding or sugar-coating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
interview was fascinating and engaging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His technical explanations were clear and digestible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I couldn’t listen to them without LIMD
smirking in the back of my mind over everything he said. What Snowden was
saying means that I turned myself into a contortionist during the last years of
my employment over a carefully crafted arrangement of smoke and mirrors, designed
to make us all think that there is a system in place to protect privacy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">According to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawful_interception">Wikipedia’s article
about Lawful Intercept</a>:</p>
<p>To ensure the quality of evidence, the Commission on Accreditation for Law
Enforcement Agencies (CALEA) has outlined standards for electronic surveillance
once a Title III surveillance application is approved: </p>
<ol start="1" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Ensure clear access to all
data without any loss of information or impact on the network being
monitored</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Create a filter to adhere to
warrant parameters – time span, types of communications that can be
monitored, evidence to be collected, etc.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Set the lawful intercept
device to capture and/or store data according to the warrant parameters.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;">Deliver data directly from
the source to the mediation device without any human intervention or
packet loss</li></ol>
<p>Generic global standards have also been developed by Cisco via the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_Engineering_Task_Force" title="Internet Engineering Task Force">Internet Engineering Task Force</a>
(IETF) that provide a front-end means of supporting most LI real-time handover
standards. All of these standards have been challenged as "deficient"
by the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Department_of_Justice" title="U.S. Department of Justice">U.S. Department of Justice</a> pursuant to
CALEA. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Is all of this just a huge steaming pile of bullshit?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how much more energy I want to
give this topic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see it as a potential
rabbit hole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m not convinced, but
now I am wary.</p>
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{margin-bottom:0in;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-9885772568885314892023-07-11T23:07:00.005-07:002023-08-02T19:27:22.313-07:00Biden for President<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">On a summer day before the 2020 election, we were on our way
to get coffee and were assaulted by a parade of cars, uniformly blasting a
Trump rap song, American flags, Trump flags, gathering the clouds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The parade wrapped around the block, as far
as I could see and just kept coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
stomach lurched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rap song pounded alpha
male like an assault rifle, revering their warlord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People walked out onto their porches,
shouting, some cheering, some shouting rage.</p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Four more years!”</p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A woman with a Black
Lives Matter sign on her front lawn and purple hair, spat into the wind, “Over
220,000 dead!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As of this writing, the number of people who have died from Covid is way over a million. Ari Melber did an interview with Bob Woodward, regarding Woodward's taped interviews with Trump, where Trump's responses to questions about his actions, or lack of actions, regarding Covid were startling. He revealed that, to this day, he does not see Covid as a challenge of his leadership. A failed challenge. "It's China's fault. I didn't have anything to do with it."</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In 2016 when he was elected, my first thought was this: he’s
going to get us all killed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s now
2023, and Trump lost the election in 2020 but he is still taking actions that could
end us all.</p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We elected Joe Biden as our President.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has worked hard to heal this country, to
put things right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With more experience
than any president in history, the biggest criticism democrats have about him
is his age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it’s his biggest
asset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He spent decades in Congress,
knows more about foreign affairs than any president, with the
possible exception of George HW Bush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
understands that we are still suffering from Reaganomics and is trying desperately
to restore us to values of equality, building the middle class, making the
wealthy pay their fair share of taxes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He has forgiven student loans, reduced the price of prescription drugs,
addressed price gouging, reduced unemployment to under 5%, restored the United
States status with NATO and other international organizations, supported the
Ukraine against the attack by Putin to support democracy against the onslaught
of authoritarianism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal">Biden's first action was to organize our battle against
the Covid virus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did everything he
could to make the vaccine accessible to all of us, to promote safe practices, even as Trump did everything
in his power to scare people into rebelling against those measures. Biden mobilized the country to get everyone vaccinated. He took office in January, and by March, anyone who wanted could go to a nearby place and obtain a vaccination. That's when I knew. For the first time in over four years, the country had a leader who understood who we are and how to support us.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Biden’s accomplishments are even more remarkable when
considering that Trump’s efforts continue to plague us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trump stacked the Supreme Court, which is
attempting to throw us back into the 1950s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Roe v Wade is gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Affirmative
Action has been reversed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Trump, himself, continues to bellow lies
and hatred at every turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s running
for president again…for the 2024 election.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And he still has followers, even after inciting the January 6 riot, even
after being indicted for over 70 felonies, even after sharing our most secret
documents with anyone he wanted to impress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Interesting times, and painful ones for our country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are poised on the edge of a knife that
threatens to split us apart. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-28351214622538850222023-07-06T11:24:00.008-07:002023-08-02T19:26:44.313-07:00Nature of Water<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">Water is one of my safe places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any water, anywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ocean, lakes, streams, rivers, rain,
puddles, swimming pools…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Water is safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, I know it has the power to kill me, if I
don’t keep my wits about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Water is a
trickster, not having a right or a wrong, it has rules, aligning it with the
universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Water must submit to
gravity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It must listen to the
inconstant song of the moon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It must
spin one way when going down the drain in the northern hemisphere and the other
direction when it’s exiting the tub in the southern one.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Water is my safe place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I was younger, the ocean along the coast of southern California was
my territory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pacific ocean
witnessed my first kiss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is in this
water where I met the grunion blipping their tiny silver bodies all around me,
startling me into peals of laughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Water supported me, played with
me, rocked me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve swam in lakes,
always too cold, the river, where Lucy and I go to our secret swimming hole,
the waterfalls hidden along the pacific crest trail at deep creek, Puget sound,
where Lucy learned to swim, where she learned that I am not a floatation
device.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching her paddle away from me
filled me with such joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many places
I’ve experienced the laughing mother of water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When we went on road trips when I was a kid, the one
concession my dad made to make the trip nicer for me was always to stop in a
motel with a pool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was my reward
for sitting in the back seat for twelve hours, windows rolled up while my
parents chain smoked in the front seat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’d finally stop, and I knew that I could throw on my bathing suit and
become buoyant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was my vacation…my
vacation from them, from the back seat of the car, scattered with Oreo cookie
crumbs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have been humbled by water’s power, how easily it could
crush me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The time I went body surfing
after a storm had swelled the waves to over 6’, threatening to pound me into
the sand, and I had to fight to get to shore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Water spared me that day but taught me the power of living by unwavering
law.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Is there one water or is water many?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s all the same water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the surface, within.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Water is the original trickster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has millions upon millions of places to
reside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can appear in any form,
solid, liquid or gas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can float,
melt, freeze, break rocks, perform any kind of dance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Water is part of everything,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all life, me.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Off the coast of Panama, the tiny cruise ship stopped and
opened its back gate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dove into the
sea, with no land in sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beneath the
surface, weightless, motionless, cradled in sapphire , nothing but blue and
salt and buoyancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Water, within me, all
around me, silence, support, love.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I moved to Washington, I knew there would be a lot of
rain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has become such a part of me,
the rain, soft or hard, warm or freezing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes, it rains for a hundred days in a row.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flying into the SeaTac airport, I can see
just how saturated this place is, soaked, soggy, so much water that the land spits it
out and encourages water to find pathways, forge trails, construct containers. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Water is on a journey, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It hitches a ride on us, not caring where we take it, knowing it doesn’t
matter because it’s not about the destination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Water has no destination, it moves in and out up and down and around and
around and around in endless cycles.</p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-31249483263593988702023-07-05T08:34:00.003-07:002023-07-05T08:34:50.128-07:00Independence Day<p> So, I told my cats...this is terrible, I know. And it's going to continue for at least the next three hours. You'll start to see flashes in the sky. I don't know if you see color...do you? And it will get really loud. You're all 99.9% safe inside this house. But fools being fools, I can't promise anything except that I'll make sure we all get out of here if the house burns down. <br /><br />Try to relax, I told them. I don't like this either. But it's my country, and I love my country, which allows everyone this freedom. We're all in this together.<br /><br /></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-52231424460626274662023-07-04T12:49:00.001-07:002023-07-04T12:49:10.364-07:00Joseph Campbell Quote<p> <span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs xlh3980 xvmahel x1n0sxbx x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto">Apocalypse
does not point to a fiery Armageddon but to the fact that our ignorance
and our complacency are coming to an end. Our divided, schizophrenic <span><a tabindex="-1"></a></span>worldview,
with no mythology adequate to coordinate our conscious and unconscious
-- that is what is coming to an end. The exclusivism of there being only
one way in which we can be saved, the idea that there is a single
religious group that is in sole possession of the truth -- that is the
world as we know it that must pass away. What is the kingdom? It lies in
our realization of the ubiquity of the divine presence in our
neighbors, in our enemies, in all of us. </span></p><p><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs xlh3980 xvmahel x1n0sxbx x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto">— Joseph Campbell, Thou Art
That, p. 107</span></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-90316541425374569652023-07-04T12:48:00.005-07:002023-07-22T17:43:57.292-07:00Plaguenotes: Notes from April 2021 <p> </p><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Like a lot of us, I've been spending more time on social media than usual. I'm feeling isolated and have wanted to make sure all of you are safe and hanging in there. But I need to step away from some of you. There is so much ugliness in the world right now, and Facebook is a magnet for it. First, we have a former president who is using a deadly illness to promote his political agenda, at the cost of lives. He is capitalizing on people's fear and frustration, <span><a tabindex="-1"></a></span>fanning the flames when he could be offering support. We have people storming state capitols, brandishing weapons and swastikas, who are being considered peaceful protesters. People are hindering entrances to hospitals and being disrespectful to the front-line workers. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">But here’s the flip side. The left, of which I consider myself a part, is gleefully dancing on the graves of protestors who die due to their ignorance and political convictions. Leftists are screaming that protestors should be denied medical treatment. Since when is stupidity a reason to deny someone medical treatment? Medical professionals may wish they could comply with that, but they have integrity. They have taken an oath to provide treatment to those in need regardless of their affiliations. So, stop it! Just shut the fuck up and stop wishing people would die. Stop squealing with joy when they do die. We’re all frustrated and frightened. What we’re seeing on both sides is how Americans manifest fear. No one looks really pretty right now. So, step back, acknowledge that you are afraid and figure out a better way to deal with it.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">In his inaugural address in 1933 (way before my time, I want to point out), FDR said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” The true meaning of that knocked me over recently. Look at what fear is doing to people in this country. I believe that, if we don’t redirect our energies away from hating each other, we will all die. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Stop shaming people who are upset or are not wearing a mask or are in the supermarket with their children. Stop assuming you know the whole story of everyone you see. Every single person is dealing with this as best he, she, they is able. There is so much of this that is beyond my experience. I haven’t lost anyone. I get to work from home. Thousands upon thousands of people who have lovingly built businesses which we all enjoy have seen their livelihoods, their businesses fall into the toilet because of this. The employees of so many places I have gone to for years are without work. It’s easy to blame the governor. It’s human nature to want to blame someone. Remember that no one saw this coming. So, if our governor is not doing everything exactly as you would want it done, remember that he didn’t see it coming either. In a very short time, he made some far-reaching decisions while under fire from the White House. Maybe he didn’t get everything right, but I think he is acting with our best interests in mind. And I am convinced that he has saved countless lives.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I’ve gotten caught up in the hate-spam too. I’ve posted several things that go against my own personal rules of conduct on social media. I apologize for contributing to the escalation of fear. But I’m backing away now. I’m getting sick because of all of this. My head is constantly pounding, I’m not sleeping, I have feelings of dread and hopelessness and I’ve been acting like a real bitch to everyone. I want you all to know that I love you all very much, but I am dropping off of all groups and am blocking several people who frequently post hateful things. Facebook lets you do a 30 day block. I’m going to see if it does the trick. So, I’ll see some of you later and some others much later.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-3352815975113485722023-07-04T12:44:00.001-07:002023-07-04T12:44:43.905-07:00The Now<p> <span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs xlh3980 xvmahel x1n0sxbx x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"></span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">You named me Lucy for a reason. I am full of light, luce. I am also the embodiment of now. Now now now. Your head is all over the place. And I can hear every thought. I know when you’re going deep, I know when you’re tuning out. And all I have to say to you is now. Bring yourself front and center in the now. </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I’m gaining weight again, you tell yourself. I’m a failure at work, no one has any confidence in my <span><a tabindex="-1"></a></span>ability, you say. None of this is happening. None of this can be altered by sitting in it. Now. Now, I say. Look outside of your fucking head and tell me what you see.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">You tell yourself, I don’t want to get off the couch. That’s because you’re not looking outside of your head. You’re not now. Take me outside, put me on a leash, but let me lead the way. I’ll always take you to a clear head, I’ll make sure we oxygenate your stagnant blood. Now. What’s in front of you now? I know you’ve never had a dog before. This is new to you, but also to me. How can I motivate you to live in the time/space where I reside? Now. It’s better here. </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Don’t wonder how John is. Don’t cling to memories of abuse and neglect. Now. Experience the joy of stepping out into the river with me when the water is low. Refresh your body and breathe fresh air into your mind. Fresh air, fresh ideas. What do you want anyway? You forget to materialize your dreams when you’re not now. That’s where I come in. </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">You always feel when I’m staring at you. You turn your head, your eyes clear and you emerge from wherever your thoughts have hidden you, and you see me. You tell me how beautiful I am. And I tell you Now. </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">There you are. See me. Follow me out into the rain. Like John Muir, going out is really going in. It’s going into now. The now of the moon. The now of ocean tapping on shore. The now of the gentle conversation of Canadian geese Ving to the next place. </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Take yourself on a vacation from your head, experience what is in front of you instead of puzzling over minutiae of the immutable past or moving the pieces to arrange tomorrow. You’re okay now. Everything is okay now. Right now, nothing is wrong. That’s why I am here, to pull you into now. As long as I hold your gaze, I know you’re with me, you’re now. </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I’ve only been with you for 8 years. What will you do when I’m gone? My life is way more than halfway over, as is yours. And it’s only been in this last year that you really saw me, really did now with me. But you’re finally getting it. You’re finding joy in me, in your kitchen, in watching me swim in the sound, in your garden, in knowing other people. You’re finding it. You’re finding that it was never hidden. It’s always been in front of you, waiting, waiting. Now I have to instill in you how to keep it, the now.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUO57HXr4zbnY7xDUfAPZJbUqDdn4bSuZre21Dol71CY9skl3ks6efu7mRm_KkPLMBPx79Fh-ePcFONifFCetcHmRFkm16eaC5bKNWoBCndb1HGRTPzWNeHA0X33A1EjRckm8rC8Uuq1qsNlmvxKEdnZ0x0OMS0Mp9ERZxphtWY07t7jShiPO/s1980/IMG_0762.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1980" data-original-width="1633" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUO57HXr4zbnY7xDUfAPZJbUqDdn4bSuZre21Dol71CY9skl3ks6efu7mRm_KkPLMBPx79Fh-ePcFONifFCetcHmRFkm16eaC5bKNWoBCndb1HGRTPzWNeHA0X33A1EjRckm8rC8Uuq1qsNlmvxKEdnZ0x0OMS0Mp9ERZxphtWY07t7jShiPO/s320/IMG_0762.jpeg" width="264" /></a></div><br /> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> <br /></div></div><p></p><div class="x1n2onr6" id=":r3bv:"><div class="x1n2onr6"><br /></div></div>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-14507539672371794012022-12-21T21:51:00.000-08:002022-12-21T21:51:44.941-08:00Women for Trump?<p class="MsoNormal">You can’t tell me that women who support Trump aren’t
thinking with their husband’s dicks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These women are so complicit in being the property of men, and they don’t
even see it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would any woman support
a would-be leader who openly and with great relish disrespects them and regards
them as objects present for his use.</p>
<p><style>@font-face
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-33085700139916750392022-12-06T15:56:00.000-08:002022-12-06T15:56:28.968-08:00Recreational Conspiricies<p>Back in the 1980s, I lived in Southern California, and I became study buddies with a woman who believed that Elvis was still alive. When she was with only me, she could reluctantly admit that she knew he was dead. But I think this community of people who also believed gave her a place to belong. They had crazy kind of scavenger hunts and clues would emerge and they'd all rush to Hollywood or wherever, hoping to see him or catch a picture of him, or maybe they'd find another clue. It was great fun for my friend, and I loved hearing her stories. Harmless compared to what's happening today, but somehow, when I wonder how anyone could be stupid enough to fall for this Qanon rubbish, I remember this friend from the past and the pleasure I could see in her eyes as she told me about the latest excursion.<br /><br /></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-29150672667296882802022-10-01T12:42:00.004-07:002022-10-01T15:09:54.078-07:00A New Place to Be<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">When we bring an animal into our lives, we know that, one
day, we will have to say goodbye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
friend, Sitzel, and I talked about this, as we sat in the dog park, stroking
our dog’s fur…we spoke of facing the reality that they, most likely, won’t
outlive us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, as much as it hurts, it
was a pain we agreed to endure when we brought these loved ones into our lives
and homes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One thing I wasn’t prepared for when Lucy died was the
outpouring of love I’ve gotten from so many people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly, I believe that I was born, destined
to go through life alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have
any family to speak of, and I have a bitch of a time letting friends anywhere
near me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when Lucy died, so many
people brought me food or offered to take me out or to bring me things or to
keep me company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the first time in
decades, I see you out there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know now,
for the first time, if I am ever in need, people are out there whom I can call
and trust to be there for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether it’s
to comfort me through a rough time or pick me up if I get stranded on the road,
I know you are there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t quite know
what to do with this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I’m not
easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have much difficulty accepting kindness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I can’t even begin to express how much
your kindnesses have meant to me this past couple of weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have such a hard time allowing people
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a death grip on loneliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, because of Lucy, I now see that I am not
alone.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Losing Lucy has been much harder than I anticipated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things are still so difficult, I am staying mostly
hidden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want company or to talk
on the phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the other hand, I can’t
stand to be in my kitchen, so I’ve been eating out almost every night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kitchen is a mess. I go to the kitchen,
intending to clean it. I turn around and leave, accomplishing nothing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been doing this for over 10 days before I
finally ask myself why I didn’t want to be in the kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the food and water dish on the
floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realize I’m fleeing before the
sight of them can register in my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now,
writing this, I can’t stop seeing them.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I went to my garden to pick peppers, but ended up on the
grass, crying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lucy’s gentle presence
still peeking out from her yard toys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I see her goose on the bricks, the toy she wasn’t supposed to bring
outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Give me that Goose!” I would
yell at her, and she’d gleefully let me chase her through the house or yard. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I pick a few peppers and get out of there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have so much to do and can’t seem to start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life feels more unmanageable than it has in a
long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I remember what my
friend, Debbie, told me a long time ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When you feel overwhelmed, she told me, just do what’s in front of
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t matter where you start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do what’s in front of you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right
now, in front of me, in my mind’s eye, is a food bowl and a water dish in need
of cleaning and a new place to be.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-91946383940061489822022-05-05T18:36:00.012-07:002022-05-05T18:37:32.859-07:00<p> </p><div dir="auto"><div class="ecm0bbzt hv4rvrfc ihqw7lf3 dati1w0a" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id="jsc_c_aa"><div class="j83agx80 cbu4d94t ew0dbk1b irj2b8pg"><div class="qzhwtbm6 knvmm38d"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql oi732d6d ik7dh3pa ht8s03o8 a8c37x1j fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id hzawbc8m" dir="auto"><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Advanced apology for this tall glass of whine.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">It’s been a tough half a dozen years in the U.S. Everything on the scale from high to low. We have the pandemic, which produced the most surreal events of my entire life (and that's saying something). Several things make me cry every time I remember.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">While waiting for takeout during the quarantine, I witnessed a Christmas parade, floating down Main Street with Santa, the Mayor, horses and a marching band…no spectators. It was like a Ray Bradbury story where everything keeps running on automatic, even after the end of the world.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I was also waiting for takeout when I glanced at my phone and saw that RBG had died. I told the restaurant cashier that I couldn’t wait and had to go, tears streaming down my face. Because English was his second language, he thought I was upset with him or the restaurant about something. He shoved a $10.00 bill at me (more than I had spent) and told me to just go. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">January 6. Every time something makes me think of it, I picture that confederate flag waving inside our Capitol. A symbol of horror.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Ukraine.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">And then yesterday, the leak. It appears that Trump’s coup is still moving along at a nice clip. I know that I’m not alone with the way I feel. Some of you are expressing your outrage by posting meme after meme, demonstrating every angle you can find of the horror of it. But I can’t stop staring at the wall. I feel gutted. Violated. Disrespected. Marginalized. Manipulated. Helpless. Hopeless. Exhausted. Enraged. And so full of sorrow in this world I never imagined. I never imagined that I would see a time like this, a time imposing such weariness on me that I can’t do anything but sit and stare at the wall. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">So, I decided to find something to watch, to take my mind off of it for a few minutes. I haven’t been able to concentrate on work. I can’t look at Facebook. Everyone’s just stirring a pot that’s already come to a boil. The whole thing feels vaguely staged, like there’s something I’m missing that would cast it in a different light. I don’t know. I can’t get a grip on a tangible reality today.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> <br /></div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I settled on a documentary about musical theater and Jewish composers. It worked somewhat. It was a story of immigrants who came here, feeling different, looking for a new life, outsiders looking for a way in. They found their way in through musical theater. The film showed clips from musical after musical, with actors I haven’t seen or thought of in decades. Story after story of people yearning to be transformed, people who ultimately transform others, people who come here full of horror and full of hope, who ultimately grow to love this country. And I thought…maybe this is it. It’s all up to the Jews. They can show us a way out. They’ve done it before. Where’s Mel Brooks when you need him? In this documentary, he says that one of his life’s ambitions is to get back at Hitler, and the best way he could do that was to make people laugh at him. Anyone who could do that must certainly have a formula to yank chains in all the right places. We can’t stop the filibuster or increase the members of SCOTUS or keep the electoral college from being gerrymandered until it’s red in the face. But we have something the right doesn't have. We have the Jews. I hope they're working on it.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">And then I come back again to this sense that something is being staged. What am I being distracted from noticing? Like when Kushner’s dirty deal came to light, and the right suddenly pumped up the volume on Hunter Biden again…and we all dutifully forgot to press the story on Kushner. This feels bigger. Should we be following the money? Should we notice who might want the stage to be stolen from him at this precise moment? Doesn’t matter, because, as Bill pointed out, all the world’s a stage, so there isn’t really anyplace to hide. All they can do is direct the tempo to pick up with different actors. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div></div><div class="cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql o9v6fnle ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Sorry for the downer. That’s what I’ve got today.</div></div></span></div></div></div></div>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-78214046939494624502022-05-05T10:03:00.003-07:002022-12-06T16:05:33.811-08:00Tin Foil Hats<p class="MsoNormal">I went out for a burger last night, and, when the man sitting
next to me ordered a sample of the mojito cider, I asked him if it really
tasted like a mojito.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He moved his glass
over and offered me a sip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That should
have been my first clue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this newly
maskless world, I am still very much in covid-mode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">The man started talking about how nice it is to have a
pleasant evening when things are so messed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I raised my glass and said, “Here’s to better times.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nancy, just shut up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Didn’t Mom teach you never to talk to
strangers?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, in my world, it’s pretty
much talk to strangers or just never talk to anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He raised his glass and opened his mouth and
didn’t stop talking for ten minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>During this time, I closed my book and listened, as the horror
grew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy looked like he might have
been a business executive, around 45 – 50.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But he was so out there…I mean out in some universe of someone else’s
making.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I thought that those people who went to Dallas to greet the
second coming of JFK must, on some level, know that what they were doing was
not serious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like the people in the
1980s who staged and participated in scavenger hunts to find Elvis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were deadly serious, but they knew that
Elvis was really dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely, on some
level, the JFK people must know that their excursion into Dallas was a
game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last night ended that notion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy was talking about an international
police force that is on the verge of stepping in and removing all the pedophiliac
bankers and high-level democratic government officials from their hidden lair
in the Ukraine…blah blah blah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, yeah…
pedophiliac bankers and high-level democratic government officials and the Bushes.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone knows about this, he kept
telling me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">The woman behind the bar asked me if I wanted to order, and
I laid cash on the bar and said, “No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
got to go.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked to my car, shaking
it off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still shaking it off.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I’m already pretty isolated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I do not need experiences like this, encouraging me to feel unsafe going
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People like him are somewhat
laughable but that doesn’t mean they’re not harmful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t see any way that people who are
this deep into a delusional world are ever coming back from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And they vote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-10203753094484730452022-01-30T18:07:00.004-08:002022-12-06T16:08:11.967-08:00Why Can't We Just Talk About Politics?<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">My fingers began to form a fist, digging my nails into
my palms to keep myself from reacting.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Stu
and I have known each other for 8 years, since Lucy was a puppy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s a dog park friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are at opposite ends of politics, and I
jumped on him once, telling him not to bring it to the dog park.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It needs to be a safe place for all, I told
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">A couple of weeks ago, no one else
was around, and he asked me how I thought Biden is doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t like my answer, and we fell
silent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I made a mistake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him what he respected about the
former president and the republican party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He could not answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he burst
forth with a stream of hatred and rage about the things he didn’t like about
the other side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I interrupted , saying,
you aren’t answering my question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
began again and couldn’t do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was
just all about his rage, his fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
talked about all the violence democrats are bringing into the world by
supporting violent groups like Black Lives Matter. "Just go to Seattle, you’ll probably get killed
by the fighting in the streets," he told me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A church is quieter than the streets of Seattle these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">As he went on, it became clear he was afraid of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was afraid of me...that I would perpetrate some kind of violence on him. What the fuck has he been listening to?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And which one of us is more likely to be
armed with a concealed weapon?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">I
eventually got up and walked away, knowing that the most dangerous thing I
could do would be to let my lion brake from its cage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, he bellowed at me about the senseless
massacres in the streets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t
help myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking over my shoulder, I
said, “But you apparently support weaponizing children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Kyle Rittenhouse.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned and
continued on as he shouted at my back, “You think he did something wrong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept walking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took days before the sound of a deep-throated growl faded from inside my cage.</p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-66332910077432939192021-04-11T15:17:00.003-07:002022-12-06T16:13:51.004-08:00 Black Lives Matter -- It's All About Me<p class="MsoNormal">I have a problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know there’s white privilege, but I don’t easily recognize it within myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, help a sister out, will ya?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t tell me that I just don’t get it
because I’m so steeped in my white privilege and then fold your arms and refuse
to say anything more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you want me to
get it or not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe you don’t know
how to describe it any better than I can…what’s inside of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s risky, after all, to tell us white
people anything, even with those of us who want more than anything to be
open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not being snippy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that it really is risky.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I suppose I understand that I shouldn’t burden you to define
my white privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it feels
stuck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Black Lives Matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m not feeling any progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
I want progress to be made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By me, with
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, perhaps it lies in mutual
efforts in attempting to understand, communicate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My story isn’t very interesting and its one
shared by a bazillion white people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">When I was very young, maybe four or five, and mom and I were
getting on a bus to go downtown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
very exciting to be going someplace so far from home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d never been on a bus before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I had never seen a black person except Sidney
Poitier in the movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suddenly, I
needed to know, “Mommy, do colored people’s hairs turn gray when they get old?”</p><p class="MsoNormal">“Shhhshhh,” she replied, pointing to the seat across from
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There sat the first really real
colored person I’d ever seen, and he had some gray in his hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must have had such a look of wonder on my
face, like I was meeting a movie star.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was looking right at me, and we both smiled, broadly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His eyes twinkled with barely contained amusement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he turned his face toward the window,
and, when he turned again to face forward, his face bore no expression at
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">My mother was afraid of black people because that’s how she
was raised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was born in 1922 and
raised in a country where everything was segregated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s easy to see how a person could form the
idea in childhood that, if black people are kept separate, back of the bus,
separate entrance, whites only places, if that is what you see everywhere growing
up, it’s easy to understand why the fear was so nameless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think she ever questioned it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did she ever wonder what would happen if a
black person were allowed to come through the same door, drink from the same
fountain, sit next to her at the lunch counter in Woolworth’s. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had drawn conclusions not based on
experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like, she would say to me, “I
don’t have anything against colored people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I wouldn’t want one living next door to me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I asked her why, she explained, “They don’t
keep up their property.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How would she
know that, I wondered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I remember
her feeling slightly ashamed when she told me how she was afraid to hold hands
with a little black girl who was in her kindergarten Sunday school class because
she was sure the color would come off on her hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Not very Christian of me,” she murmured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">So, that’s who raised me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even at four, I didn’t buy it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man on the bus, he looked so different,
and that’s why I liked him so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
at four, I knew that it’s the differences that make the world such an adventure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to talk with him, but he had
extinguished himself just as quickly as he had ignited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I knew that our interaction was over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">What I didn’t understand at the time was that he was likely more
afraid than my mother was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t
understand the danger, the potential consequences which could have occurred as
a result of his interacting with a little white girl in 1961.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">I still don’t understand it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I know it exists now just as it did in 1961 in all its immutable
horror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">So, I’m calling bullshit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can’t yell fire in a crowded theater of white folks, and just sit
back and watch us twirl around like we’re inside of a salad spinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because, if I’m too marinated in white privilege
to see when I’m commanding it, and you refuse to say anything more, then we’re
at a stalemate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">I invite your comments.</p><p> </p><p>#BlackLivesMatter <br /></p><p><style>@font-face
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-58406478731334433112020-07-02T15:00:00.002-07:002022-12-06T16:22:05.993-08:00Jaws and Democracy
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the book, Jaws, came out in the 1970s, I was working as
a tour guide on the Queen Mary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
remember that we all read the book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And,
when the movie came out, we were almost too scared to go see it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, of course, we had to, we couldn’t look
away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight, I watched Jaws again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A young Steven Spielberg, Roy Schrieder, a
really young Richard Dryfuss, and a sexy as all get out Robert Shaw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ten minutes into it, I began to feel uneasy,
because the tension feels familiar, and recent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A shark attack prompts the police chief to ask for a sign,
declaring that the beaches are closed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The response:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t have any
signs like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story takes place
on an island town, economy based on tourism supported by its beautiful
beaches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mayor is the first to insist
that closing the beaches would be over-reacting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sand is crowded, the water is enjoyed by every type of
water recreation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The police chief, sits
on the beach and hears and sees danger at every turn, while island residents
bombard him with their trivial concerns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then a sudden death, a child, shakes everyone apart, and everyone,
panic-driven, tramples out of the water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yet, in a community meeting, the resistance to closing the beaches is
shouted out by the community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People say
it’s a one-time thing, or maybe it wasn’t a shark at all, not to go crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely, they can keep the beaches open but
beef up the patrols.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quint (Robert Shaw) screeches his nails on the blackboard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You all know me, all know how I earn a
living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll catch this bird for
ya.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It ain’t gonna be easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bad fish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It ain’t like goin down to the pond and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>chasin blue gills and tommy cocks. This shark..swalla ya whole." He
offers to kill it for $10,000.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But by the next day, it’s a joke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Catch the shark” becomes a popular activity
to pass the time while on a boat getting hammered.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Someone catches a large shark, and everyone thinks the
danger is over, except the scientist and Quint laughing from the bridge of his
boat.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The scientist wants to cut the fish open to prove that there
isn’t a child in its gut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there is
resistance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who wants to see that?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is that all this is?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Health vs. economy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life vs.
prosperity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But look at the drama we
wring out of that dance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What we’re
going through now isn’t a new story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’ve already thought of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’ve fictionalized it a thousand times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But here we are, saying that we never saw it coming.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Police chief:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
this rogue fish keeps swimming around while the feeding’s good (territoriality,
says the scientist), and if the food supply dries up…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
isn’t just going to go away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have
to kill it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the Island’s police chief is afraid of water, of boats.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“It’s only an island if you look at it from the water.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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But even scientists can be fools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The scientist goes into the water to inspect
the hull of an abandoned fisherman’s boat, stating, “Ah, there’s nothing to
worry about.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Say what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess what I’m saying is…don’t believe that
the knowledgeable are wise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4<sup>th</sup> of July weekend, and mass arrivals…I guess
none of the recent events made the news outside of the island.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As politician and scientist butt heads, and the sand fills with
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one’s in the water for fear
of the shark, but the mayor, with the town’s best interests at heart, talks a
family of 5 into getting into the water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everyone follows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The water
becomes littered with joyous people.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Helicopters patrol the beach, expecting to see, what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A fish under water?</div>
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<br /></div>
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By this time, the tension is almost unbearable.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The mayor talks to the press, declaring that all is well,
when a fin appears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People panic,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>are trampled to death, getting out of the
water, but it’s a prank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next time
someone yells, “shark”, they move a little slower…but…the grisly truth finally
sinks in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this problem is real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s bigger than any of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it has to be stopped.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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“…and shall nevermore ever see you again.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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The cop answers the call to adventure, and he, the scientist
and the fish bounty hunter go out on a boat to catch the monster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who will survive?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Finally, the monster is confronted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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The cop is the first to get it, finally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hooks and lines…what’s the point?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he sees it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Now that they’ve seen what they’re dealing with, they all
bend their wills to conquering this enemy.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Now it’s scientist vs. professional working dude who has
more experience than all the books have ever fathomed (pardon the pun).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, Quint dies, doing what he loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a little bit of poetry in everything,
isn’t there?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end, it isn’t the most educated or the most
experienced person who prevails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
the one who has listened to both of them and used his own intelligence and ingenuity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With his knowledge, he remembers, at a
critical moment, that the air tanks are explosive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That, and a focus on the desired outcome,
make him know exactly what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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It is the cop who vanquishes the killer, shooting a harpoon
into the shark’s mouth, exploding the air tank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later on, the scientist shows up, unharmed, having done
nothing to rid the world of the monster..<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, it is not the politician or the scientist or the professional who
solve the problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is the civil
servant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The end.</div>
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<br /></div>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style><br /><span face="'Segoe UI Bold', 'Segoe UI Semibold', 'Segoe UI', 'Helvetica Neue Medium', Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold;"></span>nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7088740.post-60781280077452143952018-08-08T15:28:00.002-07:002018-08-08T15:28:34.137-07:00Memoir Reading and WritingI've read a lot of memoirs over the past few years. For a while, I even dabbled at writing one, a sort of set the record straight document. While some fiction contains elements of life experience, writing a memoir relies upon one's fiction writing talents. When I read memoirs, I know, for example, that the writer is not remembering past conversations verbatim. Some license is taken in recording details, and I, as the reader, understand that what I am reading is being delivered in a manner to maximize dramatic effect. Memoir differs from autobiography in the delivery. Memoir is a story, autobiography is a recording of a sequence of events.
As I worked on my memoir, I attended some workshops and read some books to help facilitate the process. I learned a few things. First, a great many people believe that their stories are extraordinary and would have a wide appeal. We are right in that our stories are all extraordinary. Every life holds magic and wonder and transcendence. But we are almost always wrong about the wide appeal part. After I swam way out into the middle of the icy lake of my own story, and a little voice whispered, "Yes, Nancy. But what's the point?" It's a humbling event when one can't answer that question. What is the point, indeed. I keep hoping that some day there will be one. In the meantime, the memoir sleeps in a REM stage.
Second, where critique groups are concerned, submitting a memoir to a critique group places an unfair burden on the group. Group members find themselves in a position where they risk criticizing someone's life rather than the content or delivery. Readers can't exactly say that the story is not credible. In the end, I withdrew it as a project from my critique group because I felt as though my readers saw that I was soliciting feedback on a document of uncontrolled self-disclosure, when what I wanted to know was how it read as a story. Asking a critique group to read a memoir just ain't fair.
There's something so pleasurable about reading a well-written memoir, though. Getting lost in a life, and knowing that it isn't fiction is somehow more engrossing. I've read many wonderful memoirs in recent years. The Color of Water, The Glass Castle, Living to Tell the Tale, Reading Lolita in Tehran, The Warrior Woman are some of my favorites. The pair, Autobiography of a Face and Truth in Beauty especially captivated me as a story of a life and then another memoir of a friendship that looked on from a perspective that revealed a completely different story.
I've read many others, some I found over indulgent and bulging with ego. But enough great ones are around to keep me interested in the genre.
A New York Times Book Review reviewer published an article in recent months, stating that memoir is a useless genre. The writer was so scathing and pompous that he implied the only people more naive and boring than the memoir writers are the people shallow enough to read them. I believe that there are a great many stories worth telling and worth reading. Sure, we can flaunt our intellectual prowess by pigeon-holing them: The abused child memoir, The incest survivor, The adopted child, The teen pregnancy, The alcoholic treatment memoir, The coming out as a gay person memoir.. I've read memoirs by people who fit each of these categories. But I'm not jaded enough to believe that stories owning these natures are boring because someone else has told them. A story well-told will always stand on its own and need not strain to circumvent worn trails.
So, I'll keep reading memoirs. And maybe in the quiet of my office, I will keep a silent vigil over my own sleeping manuscript.
nancorbetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10969890183207049787noreply@blogger.com0